When Your Significant Other Still Drinks…



I bought a six-pack of beer for my husband from a local store a couple of days ago. It felt a bit strange carrying it across the road to my car – wondering if anyone might see me and wonder what the hell I was doing. I can just imagine the gossip, “Do you know Mrs. D is back drinking again??!!” Ha ha.


No but seriously a) I don’t think anyone noticed and b) if they did I don’t think they’d care. Also c) even if they do care I don’t care that they care. I’m perfectly ok with buying beer for my husband if he wants it.


When your significant other still drinks…

Truth is Mr. D is a very casual drinker. He’s one of those take-it-or-leave it people who can buy a bottle of wine, drink just one glass and then leave the rest in the fridge for over a week (not something I ever managed). He’s one of those people who can leave half a glass of wine at the table of a restaurant after dinner (I could never understand that). And he’s one of those people who can not touch any alcohol for a few weeks and not really notice (say what??!?!!!)


We did used to always drink together back in the day when I was an enthusiastic boozer (read: active alcoholic). But he admits now he always held himself back a bit in case the kids needed us or something. I never noticed – was too busy guzzling my head off.



Initially after I quit drinking Mr. D kept having a glass of wine at home after work most days, and I was ok with that. My attitude was always, “I can’t change the world. I’m just changing me”. Right from the get-go I was always very focused on my own personal truth and what I knew I needed to change about myself. I didn’t waste precious energy caring too much about what was going on around me.


Boozy social groups

I know for many other people it’s not so easy to ignore the drinking habits of their nearest and dearest. If your significant other is also a heavy drinker and is determined to remain so, that is tough. It’s also tricky when your main social group is extremely boozy. These circumstances can make focusing just on your own situation extra hard. If this is the scenario you have going on around you I recommend even more heartily that you seek out and connect with other people who are doing the same as you – working hard to quit and live sober. Find your tribe! Either in person or online. Friends in recovery are worth their weight in gold.



But back to Mr. D and his six pack of beer. It’s unusual for him to drink at home nowadays. Slowly over time since I quit he’s cut back himself and rarely drinks at home now at all. But right now he’s super busy at work and felt like having a beer while he relaxed for a few days.


He drank five of them over the course of the weekend and there is one left in the fridge. He’s now away for the week and will probably finish it off when he gets back next weekend. Or maybe he won’t. Maybe it’ll sit there for a few weeks now. Personally I don’t care two hoots.


Alcohol has no control over me…

I won’t give that left-over bottle a second thought. Won’t gaze at it longingly every time I open the fridge door. I won’t grit my teeth every time I grab the milk wishing I could gulp it down. I’ll hardly notice it and if I were to focus on it my thought process would be “look at that little green bottle of foul tasting, soul sucking liquid that will do nothing to enhance my life and everything to crush it”.


This is where I’m at now, 6 years after my last drink. Alcohol has no control over me whatsoever. I can buy it for others if need be. Have it in my fridge. And feel not the slightest bit affected by it.


It’s a great place to be.




Lotta Dann drank alcohol steadily and heavily from the age of 15 to the age of 39. She stopped drinking only when her habit had reduced her to a sloppy, miserable mess and it became apparent she had no control over her intake. She wrote her way sober with the help of an anonymous blog called 'Mrs. D Is Going Without', which started out small but slowly turned into something incredibly large and powerful. Her memoir 'Mrs. D Is Going Without' was published 3 years after she stopped drinking. Now happily sober, Lotta spends her days parenting and running a busy household, promoting recovery through her blogs and social media accounts, and managing the Living Sober NZ website. She lives in Wellington, New Zealand with her husband, three sons and a Labrador puppy. Lotta's book 'Mrs. D Is Going Within' was published in June 2017. And her newest book, 'The Wine O'Clock Myth: The Truth You Need To Know About Women and Alcohol' is available now. .