Valentine’s Day Self Love!



I read this social media post that suggested you should find a person who loves you for exactly all the reasons you love yourself. My initial reaction was, “Wow that is incredibly unrealistic,” then I realized, “Well, no, in fact I’ve already done that. That person is me!”


Realistic Expectations…

In recovery we learn about not having unrealistic expectations. Before we grow, we tend to have such a strong desire to get what we want, that we are disappointed and even angry when (for example) our lovers don’t say the perfect words of endearment. Or give us the type of love signs we fantasize about. Valentine’s Day is a perfect time of year to get your hopes up. We obsess over that piece of jewelry, or passionately worded letter we wish to receive.


But I have a better idea this year

How about we send ourselves that Valentine’s card and gift that we want so badly? Meet our own expectations! Decorate it with hearts. Decorate it with lipstick marks. Tuck it in a teddy bear’s arms to look at tomorrow. Tie it to a balloon and let it float around the house. Set it under a box of dark chocolate and a potted orchid. Paste it to a vision board or a poster of motorcycle babes…


Do whatever YOU like

Give yourself the gift you wish someone else would give you. Write to yourself as if a passionate lover, who could read your mind, had written to you.


I’ve included a list of fill-in-the-blank statements, along with what I am writing to myself, to give you some ideas.

I think I will make myself a card out of construction paper and lace and insert a gift certificate to Benihana in the envelope… yummm. Plus, some lavender oil/cologne mixture and a ticket to Greece (just kidding I can’t afford that last part).




Happy Valentine’s Day to Fabulous, Wonderful, Brilliant, Successful, Darling – ME!

(Remember, you’re talking to yourself here…)

Just fill in the blanks:

I love it when you ______________ [make me a healthy dinner with love and spice].

When you______________ [take me to yoga class and meditate beforehand] it makes me feel like ______________________________ [I’m swimming in a pool of soft-serve blue moon ice-cream on the hottest day of the summer].

I love to ____________ [play with] your ___________ [beautiful soft hair].

I always relive that time you __________________ [finally made it to the podium in baton competition]; you were so _______________________ [proud and happy] It was beautiful.

Every time you __________________ [walk into the sunlight] it makes me want to _____________ [dance and sing].

Some of the many things I love about being with you are your _______________, _______________, _______________, and ____________________________. [humor, compassion, intelligence, and spiritual light]

I am so glad you chose to spend your life with me; I will never leave you side and always support you through _________________ [the times when your old ways of living come back to the surface] or you __________________________ [come down with even the mildest of illnesses].

Someday I promise to take you to ____________________ [The Blue Lagoon] and ____________________ [soak until we can’t remember what tension and toxins are], because you deserve it, you gift from the Universe.

I __________ [love and admire] you for your _______[flaws] and your ____________[strengths], and I will cherish you forever because you are my __________________ [pumpkin-doodle sun-child goddess woman].

I have unlimited ___________[hugs], ___________[prayers], and __________[affirmations] for you, forever!



That Felt Very Nice…

That felt very nice. I could go on; goodness knows I can never overdo it on self-love! Sigh… maybe I can set up a savings account for that vacation… maybe pair this with a nice hot bath… get one of those delicious pretzels at the mall… Oh I know! A Coach bag for work!


You all have got to try this!

Happy Valentine’s Day!



Author Carlee Whitcome (MA, LLMSW) is a counselor at Sanford House. Carlee has a natural calling and talent for counseling - beginning as early as high school. In addition to leading 12 step discussions, Carlee supports all paths to recovery, modeling and empowering a variety of new ways of thinking including secular, religious, or spiritual. She is well seasoned in the spiritual paths of Yoga and Tai Chi, which she studied at GVSU and elsewhere, offering a unique experience of these mind-body-spirit practices integrated with counseling therapy.